I spent the weekend in Disneyworld with my wife and kids. My wife had a bad back, and couldn't walk around, so I had to push her around in a complimentary Disneyworld wheelchair. Her back has been hurting her so bad that she's been supressing a cough. This has caused her to lose her voice. So, she can't walk, can't move, and can't talk. It was basically like going to Disneyworld with your kids and Terry Schaivo. If Terry Schaivo were conscious and could rasp her complaints at you.
How could you not see that rock? Don't you know I'm in pain?
Feed the children, their eyes are losing moisture.
Don't you see that man molesting our son? Stop him.
blah, blah, blah
What a freaking drag. I've got it woman! I am an important, powerful man. I can find the freaking Teacups on my own.
Well, it's been a while, and I understand that some of you are getting impatient. I promise I'll start writing more. I understand that your comments have been misplaced encouragement. You are angry. I get that. Believe me, it is appreciated and I feel the love. So, without further adieu:
The 9th Hottest Female Celebrity In The World
LILLY ALLEN
Ok, so maybe she's not the 9th "hottest" woman in the world, by objective "tits and ass" standards, but she's cool as shit, and she has a third nipple.
English accents are bad ass. I don't care what anyone says. One of her videos is about her pot-smoking little brother who masturbates all day, and is a puppet. How can you beat that?
She hates the band Jet, and has hurled heavy objects at them. Apparently, she was so drunk that she doesn't remember it. But, she's still not the least bit sorry, because they suck. That scores her points. I hope Miley Cyrus is taking notes.
Lilly started her career on the internet by posting demos on her MySpace page. For those of you who aren't familiar with it, MySpace is a site where teenagers go to challenge each other to taped fights.
Lilly enjoys fluctuating between a size 12 and size 8. She looks good either way, and regardless of her weight always enjoys the advantage of having 50% more nipples than other women of similar size.
12 comments:
You are picking for comedic effect. This list is not your true top 10.
Remember, unlike the Fantasy Football boards, you are not limited to three posts per week. Get on it.
You will have to forgive me for being more than a little confused. My name is Mark (not Austin), I'm a part of a small group of nine people who go around and torment who we consider to be the "worst and poorest written" blogs on the world wide web. We voted on yours two months ago for obvious reasons and another member claimed to have shut you down. Now it looks as though you are back? Please confirm and you should know that if you are back, and it is you - you will feel the full wrath of all nine of us.
Worried and concerned,
Mark
I should clarify. This is not a top 10 "Who would you do?" list. If it were, I would have all sorts of brazilian models on here. These are the hottest female celebrities.
I should clarify. This is not a top 10 "Who would you do?" list. If it were, I would have all sorts of brazilian models on here. These are the hottest female celebrities.
Dear Mark Austin,
I forgive you and am not at all surprised that you are confused. After all, you thought that another reader had formed magical internet powers and shut down my blog.
I know that you aren't one of my friends that's fucking with me, because my friends are funny. So, you must be a greasy fat guy who posts on people's blogs when World of Warcraft is running its weekly maintenance.
And that is cool. I like that. I like you people. At first I found it curious that you had nine friends, but then I realized that by "friend," which to me and most of the people I know means - a person you talk to, and hang out with - to you probably means a guy who gives me materials to craft armor for your Level 70 dwarf paladin. And that they are no doubt as fat and greasy as you. And that's cool. I like that. The internet is cool, the way it breeds people like you.
A quick question? Has your Second Life wife actually sent you a real life picture of herself? Because if she has, you know that isn't really her. It's cut and pasted from a MySpace page somewhere. She is really a 37 year old banker from upstate New York with homosexual tendencies who's way behind on his student loans...and lives in his parents' house. And, actually has a lot in common with you. You should get together with he/she and make a real life friend.
Ortho
Oh no! As a loyal reader I am scared shitless of the "full wrath" that Mark Austin and his eight "friends" (who clearly are his cats and a handful of Battlestar Galactica action figures) plan to unleash upon this blog. As if his witty insults and stinging commentary weren't torture enough, now we can expect more than just lame attempts to impersonate the blog's creator?
Well, Neo, instead of pretending that you have some particularly devious way to hijack the blog, why don't you just fuck off and go back to posting on the Clay Aiken Fan Club pages.
Mark Austin is really Barry Hammond.
SCANNED AND PWNED.
THIS BLOG SUX BALLZ. ORTHO SUCKS BALLZ.
WHO AM I:
I SUCK AT WRITING BLOGS
GEE, I THINK I'LL WRITE A BLOG
I CRY BECAUSE NOONE LIKES MY BLOG
BEST IDEA YET- I QUIT MY BLOG
NEVERMIND MY LIFE SUX
I WRITE BLOG MORE
I MAKE FUN OF THE NINTH LEGION
NEVER PLAYED WORLD OF WARCRAFT, BUT ITS BETTER THAN THIs bLOG.
SCANNED.
PWNED.
first i thoought, "lily allen? no way." then i saw the picture and thought, "not bad." then i read your post and thought, "he makes alot of good points." then i tried to imagine her naked and thought, "lily allen? no way."
Mr. Johnny,
That is the kind of comment that we would love to see in a blog. Have you ever thought about writing? What brings you to Ortho's bad blog?
Mark
Damn, I wish I had written the comment three comments ago. Usually I jump in with the pwned haXor shit, but somebody beat me to it.
I will still say that I'll kick your ass at 360 XBox because I am the BOMB bitch! Name a game and a time and I will fuck you up!
Oh shit. Wrong blog.
*CTRL-A*, *CTRL-C*
See you suckas on that fag Cyrus's site!
XBOX RULZ!
-Granddad o' Spen$er
http://wwtdd.com/photo.phtml?post_key=6671&photo_key=16201
There are women in my office hotter than this chick. There are women on my street hotter than this chick. The woman at McDonald's who sold me a sausage biscuit sandwich this morning is hotter than this chick.
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