Happy St. Patrick's Day

I don't know what St. Patrick's Day is for. It was always the lamest holiday in school. No presents, no candy, no day off. Forget to wear green and get pinched all day long. And not just from the girls in a good way. No, there was always that overzealous kid that would pinch me so hard, he'd leave a welt. Then, I would challenge him to a fight and get my ass kicked. I fucking hate Irish people.

Here are the three best muppets of all time, together in honor of this god-forsaken curse of a holiday.

YUM-O!!

The 10th Hottest Female Celebrity in the World

RACHAEL RAY

I can't turn away from Rachael Ray when she's turning a big, wooden spoon in a pot of hot, steaming Awesome Autumn Stew . But who can? Look, lots of women have certain things about them that catch your eye. Rachael's just happen to be made up of handfuls of ground chuck, EVOO, and raw eggs.

I love Rachael because she isn't skinny, she cooks good old-fashioned American food that I'd like to have sex with, and she can handle a knife. So, if Rachael and I were ever in trouble I could run away.